Hey, how is it going? Hope you are having an awesome day! This topic is one that has been on my mind lately. If you are on social media at any point, you will probably see something along the lines of #RelationshipGoals. You will see probably something extraordinary picture between a girlfriend and a boyfriend. It seems to me like just some of the what used to be ordinary things have become extraordinary, but also some of the things are just downright absurd to think about (just my thoughts, you can think as you please). Now I really don’t like calling it goals, because I think that makes it out to be like “if you don’t achieve this than your relationship isn’t good enough or you aren’t happy together”, and I just don’t think that is right. However since it is a big topic in our relationship driven society I’ll give you a few of mine. I have come up with a few things that, even though I have never personally been in a relationship, is what I would like to see. Now understand, that these are not foolproof and everything will be just peachy all the time.
1) Put God First — Always. Every Single Time. No Matter What. Now first, I would want to prepare myself before actually entering in a relationship (If you want to see what I have to say about that I would encourage you to read While I’m Waiting (Becoming the Right One Before Pursing the Right One). Proverbs 3:6 says this: “Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.” I truly believe that when you put God first in your relationship, and seek his guidance in both the good and bad times, your relationship will flourish. 1 John 4:8 says, “Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.” When you both know God truly, and know and have experienced His love, you will truly know how to love someone. Think of it like a dare I say it a love triangle (Now before you start bashing me let me explain). Think of it like this: You have God at the top of the triangle, next you have yourself at one of the lower corners and your partner at the other, both having God at the top of the triangle, and both growing together at the same time. I truly believe that in a relationship, I am to lead you closer to God than closer to myself. Understand that I am not perfect and that I cannot fill a void that only God can fill, it will never happen. I want our relationship to honor God and lead us both closer to Him than draw us away from Him. A relationship built on Christ is a relationship that will last.
2) No Playing Games, Make Your Intentions Known — End of story. Your relationship is either leading to something bigger (Marriage) or you are wasting your time. Now I’m not saying that you are proposing on the first date or anything. However, as you progress through the relationship, you should be able to tell if you can see a long future with them. It is like this quote from Jefferson Bethke, “Dating with no intent to marry is like going to the grocery store with no money. You either leave unhappy or take something that isn’t yours.” Think about that, would you like for your future husband or wife running around dating like it is a game? I know I wouldn’t, not only would I think it might cause some hurting, but it would also make me question someone’s commitment. I think that when you know that games are being played, your trust goes right down the drain, because you don’t know whether someone will be with you for the next day or the next week. With your trust gone, it will nearly be impossible to have a thriving relationship without trust.
3) Accept the Past Good and Bad — A big one right here, everything that I have done in the past has made me who I am today, that includes the good and the bad. Yes, I believe that I have some good things in the past that I am proud of. However, I have also done things that I am not proud of. Now I can’t go back and change everything, and I want you to understand that. However, you can start new and write the future. Like I said I have done things in my past that I’m not proud of, and I brought those to God, asked for forgiveness, and He has made me new. Just like I know other people bring baggage from their past. Ephesians 4:32 says, “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Just as Christ has forgiven me for my past, I want to be so close that we can share the past with each other and understand that God has forgiven us, and we won’t hold it against each other.
4) Tell Me When I Do Something Right and Wrong– I think this is a big key, sometimes when you aren’t told that you are doing a good job, you only feel that you can only be doing a bad job. 1 Thessalonians 5:11 says, “Encourage one another, and build each other up” I think that it is huge for someone to tell their significant other that they see them trying and doing a good job, especially if one of their love languages is words of affirmation (that’s a totally different topic, but check out that book if you have the chance). Now to saying when I do something wrong. If I do something wrong, I’m big on wanting someone to tell me about it. I mean how would I know if it bothers you if you don’t tell me, I can’t read minds, and since I’m a guy you pretty much have to tell me, I don’t take hints very well. I know that if I keep doing something that is wrong I will just keep hurting you if you don’t tell me. If you tell me, then I would be able to do my best to correct it and do better.
5) Sex Will Wait — Plain and Simple. God’s intent for sex is within marriage and we will follow that. Not waiting is not only dangerous but will definitely lead someone to not be happy. We will not be influenced by this world’s distorted view of sex. It was created by God, holy and pure and we will follow His will on the matter. If you want your relationship to be different this one is definitely one to consider. Plus, how awesome will it be to say that you waited, and then have one awesome time starting on your wedding night.
6) It’s A Relationship, Not a Contract — I see this all the time in relationships nowadays. It seems like one or the other thinks that they control each others lives and if they aren’t spending each and every minute talking or being with each other than the other person doesn’t love them. I think that is absurd. First, I want to build a trust that I wouldn’t put myself in a position that wouldn’t put our relationship in jeopardy. Next, if we are in a relationship, it’s not like we signed a contract or a binding agreement, where you had to be with me every single chance of free time that you get. No, if you want to go hang out with your friends or go do something then go do it. You aren’t legally binded to me in any way, shape or form. I want to be able to trust you enough like I said that you and I wouldn’t put ourselves in positions where we would jeopardize our relationship. If we set it up like a contract and had all these rules and such, someone would get unhappy really quick, and our relationship could be ruined quickly.
7) It is Better to Give Than to Receive — It truly is. Don’t think about how much or what you can get from someone in a relationship, but how much you can help and give someone in a relationship. If all you do is take, take, and take, you are consuming and not contributing in the relationship, especially if you go with the, “you get out what you put in method” before long if all you do is take the other person will stop putting in. Now to the giving, doesn’t it feel awesome when you help someone out and you see that it makes them feel better? How awesome would that be to do that each and every day to the person that you love, now I’m not saying it is easy, but I feel that it truly more blessed to give than to receive.
8) It’s a Marathon, Not a Race — It seems like today we have gotten to the point that we want everything NOW! “He hasn’t said this to me, yet so he must not love me” or “She hasn’t done this for me, so she must not like me.” That is absurd, when you start using things in relationships I think you put yourself on the road to unhappiness. Just because everyone else is doing it doesn’t mean you have to. You want your relationship to stand out from the rest and honor God. When you start making rash quick decisions, someone is bound to get hurt. Remember, life is a journey not a race, no one is trying to hurry up and die. So just enjoy the journey with someone and enjoy doing life together.
9) Never Stop — I’ll close with this point, I was introduced to this song and haven’t stopped listening to it since. It is called “Never Stop” by Safetysuit, and quite honestly, stop reading this and go listen to it. The moral of the song is I will never stop loving and pursuing you. I think that nowadays that we seem to get out of the beginning phase of the relationship we tend to stop pursuing and start getting complacent, we get in trouble, because we forget to keep doing the things that attracted the other person to us in the first place. No matter what keep pursuing, keep learning and loving each other, keep getting to know each other, and never stop growing closer with each other, and certainly never stop growing closer and leading each other closer to God in the process.
Like I said, these are foolproof and just my thoughts, I mean take them as you wish, especially considering myself, one who has never had a relationship and had that kind of experience. I just thought that some of these might help you in yours, have an awesome day!!